Howdy,
Yesterday I made mention of opening the FUTURE folder for writing ideas. So, I thought I’d give that a go.
I found a draft of 506 words (almost my daily need—and more than I require now, being ahead of pace) titled “The push, or patience?”
It was sitting there in a different font, which was striking—looking weird. “Cochin.” I have no idea why.
I thought I’d run with it now, because it’s intriguing to see what a different place I’m in now, from then. I wish now that I’d put a date on it (a reminder for FUTURE ideas), but I believe it’s from pretty early is this race to 200,000 words—so nearly a year ago or so.
It probably needed more development at the time, which I imagine is why I hadn’t published it yet, but at this point I’m more interested in what it was as is, so, here it is, “The push, or patience?”:
“I’m feeling the push.
Reading. Writing. Living.
How do I find time to read? I’ve got writing to do.
And not just some. How do I get to the extra, other, writing I want to do? I’m committed to the 550 words a day for my 200,000 word total at the end of a year. There’s another book to be written. (Isn’t that an exciting sentence, though? There’s another book to be written.)
Living. It just keeps blasting on. Sarah and I have three boys to ensure that happens. But how do I slip away to exercise and rehab consistently. So that I can keep living, maybe a little longer later, maybe a lot better now.
Humanly, I think I want to feel two ways about life.
1) That I can’t handle all that’s going on, and 2) that I can handle all that’s going on.
Or, that I can handle all that’s going on, and then I can’t handle all that’s going on.
It works both ways, depending on mood.
Feeling the pressure or sorry for oneself, it’s easy to mentally throw up hands and concede it’s too much. But looking around and wanting to partake in what we’ve chosen to be a part of a person like me may decide he can handle it. Seeing the challenge mostly as a scheduling puzzle. I’ve been doing a lot of scheduling puzzles lately. Hard to get enough sleep if you want to get up at a certain early time but don’t make to bed before a certain late time. Working on it.
Or, there’s an attitude of all that’s going to fit into the schedule and get done (accomplished, even!) in a progression toward small and grand goals. But then a convenient stall or excuse for failure is a grasping for “I can’t handle all that’s going on.”
Oh, you came here for answers. Hmm … ?
I guess I’d say …
Keep on Reading Writing Living
That’s what I’m going to do.
I had those four lines placed at the bottom, thinking they would be my ending, but the intended cute and clever doesn’t make as much sense when we have more than a guess.
I wrote “Humanly, I think I want to feel two ways about life” with purpose.
First, “Humanly.” There is another way.
Second, “I want to …” But I don’t get to, not if I want to be honest.
I’m not nearly expert enough at this to “feel” comfortable delving into its depths here, but to expose it and explore is beneficial. The “it” is the idea of patient attending, which is a Brennan Manning term I’ve mentioned in past writings (a while back).
Patient attending for meaningful interactions with people and stuff comes from being in that mode before God first.
I do think there is a way to get to the important things that God would have us do, but we need to remember to prioritize time with Him and His word to ever find a balance that finds us full and present to appreciate it.”
Well, it was more complete than I expected, and I was glad to be able to use it here, and now—as I patiently make my push down the homestretch, feeling a lot better about things in the present.
—Billy
Reading. Writing. Living.
Word Count: 181,769 / On Pace: 174,350 / Year’s Goal: 200,000
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